When is it time to let go?
I'm sure you've seen a million posts about this topic, but here's a million and one. lol. I thought that I would address this because I've seen so many people who have forged friendships with others with whom they maintained a relationship for years. However, at some point in the friendship, there was a turning point, leading to the complete demise of the friendship.
Friendship is always good....until it's NOT. Now, why did the friendship end? There are many reasons and no one's reason is the same. From my own experience and from talking with those in my circle - friendships have ended because one of the parties was deceptive, manipulative, or plain inconsiderate. In other instances, a friend may have been so desperate for acceptance and love from someone that they allowed their new significant other to do everything in his/her power to isolate them from their closest friends and family...or maybe someone took a really low blow and said some unforgivable words to you.
Regardless of the situation, anyone who is a real friend would never purposely be deceptive or manipulative. Anyone who is a real friend would never turn their back on you because of a relationship. Anyone who is a real friend would never speak unforgivable words to you (even in a moment when they are upset). We all have our breaking points and if any of these sound similar to what you're going through, it's time to cut your losses and move on to a happier place.
Disclaimer: Images are not my own
“A healthy friendship is one that adds value to your life instead of taking from it.” - Cheri B.
If at any point you feel that a friendship is no longer serving you, do yourself a favor and let it go. You owe it to yourself to protect your mental health and your overall sense of happiness. Now, I don't say this lightly. I'm not advocating for tossing people to the trash bin simply because you've had a disagreement. However, if you find yourself in a predicament where you find that you second guess yourself before telling something to this person (with who you should be able to share personal aspects of your life), you feel drained after spending time with them, you see that they're easily influenced by people who don't wish them or you well, let them go.
Steps to Heal
I know....you all were friends for a long time and now it may feel as though there is some kind of void. Do what you need to take care of yourself in order to completely heal from this loss. Suggestions I have for healing include:
1. Give yourself time to mourn the loss. Be sad, be angry, be everything you need to in order to relieve yourself of the emotions. You cannot get through this situation until you've completely sat in AND with your emotions.
2. Forgive. Don't harbor anger or ill will toward the person for this friendship ending. Forgive them. You will be better for it (but I didn't say you had to forget what they did).
3. Talk about what happened. I know you may not feel like discussing the situation immediately. However, it will be to your benefit to talk it out with someone who you trust and who you know cares about you.
4. Write your feelings out. It's always best to talk to someone you trust about what you're feeling, but if that's not an option, try getting a journal and writing down all of your feelings.
5. Remove this individual from your social media. If you're a social media buff, chances are you have always followed this person with who you are no longer friends. Do yourself a favor and remove them from your friend's list so their posts aren't a constant reminder of the memories you all once had. It may also serve you to archive or completely delete any pictures from your social media where they are in them.
6. Pray. Pray for yourself and that you will get through this tough time. God knows your heart.
7. Get Active. Dive into activities that you enjoy doing to keep yourself occupied. Work on that business you wanted to get started, write that blog, start that workout plan, etc.
8. Accept it. The final step is to accept that sometimes friendships (or relationships) just don't work out. There's nothing you could have done differently to prevent the outcome. You may never get the closure you want, so just focus on moving forward and accept the fact that sometimes people truly are only in your life for a season.
9. And if none of these steps work, find a therapist. A trained professional will be able to help guide you through this difficult time and assist with getting you back to a happy point in life.
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