Ever see people on social media commenting under the post of a couple calling them “goals” or saying how they wish they had the relationship that their grandparents or great-grandparents had?
Truth is, no one should be your marriage goals and never should you compare your relationship to that of someone else’s. Every marriage has its own issues. However, as cliche as it may sound, it’s how you deal with those issues that will determine if your marriage lasts.
If you look at statistics, millennials are not only waiting longer than previous generations to get married and have children...... a lot of them don’t conform to the traditional idea of marriage at all. By that, I mean, some millennials prefer not to get legally married, some prefer open relationships, and you have some who are venturing into the world of polyamory. So in a world where marriage is not what it used to be, how do you make it through? I can only give you the opinion of one millennial and that’s myself. When it comes to marriage, it’s work - I’m sure you’ve heard that many times, but it’s true.
“Have check-ins with your spouse to say - hey, what do you like that I do? Is there anything I do that you would like for me to stop? This will open the line of communication and allow your partner to be 100% honest with you.” - Cheri B.
If you're interested in what I've learned about ways to keep a happy and healthy marriage, here are a few tips I've learned along the way.......
Communication is key. Without honest and effective communication, your marriage will fall apart. If you don't discuss your issues, it can lead to assumptions and assumptions lead to nothing but distance and wondering minds between couples. I’ve noticed that some people aren’t good at communicating with their partners. If your spouse does something that bothers you, tell them. Don’t wait and bring it up at a later date when they’ve upset you. Doing so will not solve the problem, but will most likely snowball into an even larger issue than you probably imagined. Have you noticed that your spouse isn’t the best when it comes to fiscal responsibility? Speak up about it and talk about steps that can be taken to increase financial stability (finances are one of the main reasons people divorce next to infidelity). I can tell you now that I love to shop and have always been a shopper (maybe a little too much), and my husband had to call me out on it. It got to the point where I needed to cancel all of my cards and practice saving habits. I had to really sit back and think about all the frivolous purchases I had been making and what I needed to do to dead this habit.
Resolve problems immediately and don't go to bed angry. Refer back to #1 about communication if you need some assistance. DON'T AVOID YOUR PROBLEMS. Sure, it's okay to take a little time to "cool off" if you're really upset and want to avoid saying or doing something that would be unforgivable. But...that time should not last for days. Once you've cooled off, address the situation, but be sure to do so in a way that is not aggressive. Don't attack your spouse with your words or say things that you know would be a "trigger" for them. Communicating effectively to resolve problems is key to building a marriage that will last.
Morals are everything. As I've heard once before, morals are the compass of any marriage. If you and your spouse don’t share the same type of morals, the marriage will suffer. Without good, sound morals, one cannot distinguish between good and bad. Without morals, your marriage will lack respect and honesty. The type of morals people have really says a lot about their character. Make sure you know who you've hooked your red wagon up to as a spouse.
Keep people out of your marital issues. When there’s a conflict, don’t confide in any and everyone who will listen. This will only cause more conflict between the two of you OR it will cause those who you’ve discussed issues with to harbor ill feelings against your spouse going forward. It’s okay to talk to one person who you really trust to give you sound advice.
Be consistent. Nothing is worse than a person who is inconsistent. Whether it's inconsistency with what time they said they'd be home to them telling you for the third time that they really are going to stop being so inconsiderate with the way they speak to you. There's so many ways that people can be inconsistent, so strive to remain consistent with your spouse...it builds trust.
Have fun. Don’t lose sight of the WHY in why you all married one another to begin with. Many times we date with the intent to marry, but once we're married... that's it! We forget dating, we forget romancing one another, having date night, or complimenting one another. Each person should take responsibility for doing this. It takes two to nurture a marriage. Learn the love language of your spouse. What makes them happy? What excites them? Continue to do those things. Never stop courting one another because once you do, you're practically roommates.
Foundation of marriage. Finally, if you're a believer, you know God has to be at the center of your marriage. Without having a proper foundation, your marriage will crumble. Make it a point to build a relationship with Him together and alone. Also, pray for your spouse. Pray for their health, their careers, dreams, and pray that God continues to strengthen the relationship that you all have with one another so that no one will be able to separate it.
Now while I'm still working on some of these tips that I've picked up on, I thought I would share with others.
If you're a millennial or even if you're not and you enjoyed this blog, please comment and let me know what you thought about it. You can also sign up on my website to receive notifications about style, lifestyle, travel content and free giveaways! Also, follow me on instagram at @cbstyles and send me a message! Thanks for reading! :-).
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